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| kekeke, more crap
I dislike my roomate greatly, to say the least, but i cannot post
anything threatening in fears of getting arrested. I'm not
violent, just frustrated as fuck. So last night he says he'll
sleep around 2, cool, then i can sleep early and wake early, ends up
sleeping @ like 330, so fuck, i get up and 8, had a GREAT
morning. I read teh WSJ and also got a lot of work done, it made
me happy. Then i wanted to chill a bit cuz all that work needed a
break. So i played games and ate lunch. I was watching TV
in the room while he was doing math or something, and he fucking blasts
his music. I try to keep the TV down so he can focus, but like he
just has music on so loud i cant focus. so like im out her in the
middle of the hall by an outlet trying to avoid him. He sees me
and calls me a hobo, i really resent that as im jus trying to avoid
confrontation. I'm puting in a app to get another room around
here, I do like it, just not with him. I really hope i can
get a single, or else ima blow up @ him, there are so many things that
make me want to yell, but i dont, I think its time I stand up for
myself and get in his face, fucking hockey players. Oh well, only
9 months? left
| | |
| Wow, I don't think I've cried since I got rejected last year...It kinda
lifts you up afterwards, I guess. Where's the Jack Daniel's when
you need one?
| | |
| Ok so today I woke up with huge anxiety. And I kept checking my
email. But whatever, I went through the whole day, and after PSY
I went to look at posts, just knowing that I was cut... and guess
what... I was. In conclusion I have proved my own theory.
My point in this world is to make others feel better and succeed, and
no matter how hard I work or stay up late and prepare for anything I
will fail. Let me explain
During Junior High School I had no friends, my first real
failure. During High School I ended up with a weighted 3.5 and
1240. I lost my officer position senior year to a fucking ditz,
but the other gal was just superb. I never was President of
Octagon, just some dumbass that always stood there. Ok, more
examples needed?
Girls, I have always failed with girls. All my life I have failed
with girls, I've had one truly great girlfriend and that's it.
I'm not complaining about that, its just that when there's competition
I always fail.
Ok so more about high school, I applied to 16 colleges, 12 of which
REJECTED me, which shows that I'm in no shape to succeed. I got
rejected from every single good college I applied to. So I gave
up and I came to Purdue, just to realize that..
I am STILL a FAILURE. My grades aren't where they are
supposed to be. I haven't made many friends, especially in the
female category. I looked today at that list and even before I
saw it, I knew I didn't make it. No matter how hard I try, how
much I prepare, how much I study, I believe that I will never be
successful in life, I really truly believe that now. In poker I
havne't really been doing well either, I can't bluff, I can't read, I
can't play well, so you just ask what's with me? I dunno, but I sure do
wanna leave this place again. I can't believe how much
preparation I did for this, I asked all the right questions, I made
good impressions, and I did my best, I tried my hardest, and still I
failed...again....and again....and again...
The only regret I have is why I keep trying.. its no use, I was going
to audition for varsity choir, but I decided today I wasn't, so I could
save myself the trouble.
Moving on, what pisses me off more, is my roomate. He tried out
for hockey team, with minimal training. Every night or so he
would lift for like 10 minutes, sometimes, he didn't get up and train
hard everyday, and still made it. Good for him
This makes me believe that I just don't have talent, any nautral
ability. I have the drive to succeed, but I'm just some stupid
wannabe asian kid.
My last point is why I just can't have some freak accident, I could
care less if a car hit me today, it would end my fucking
misery. I've been working my ass off in school. I got a C
on my Psychology test and a B plus on my bs Forensic Science
test. I have no idea where to go from here.
I ran today after my failure, I guess to try and unstress myself.
SO therefore I just sat on a bench outside after I ran. I stared
at the sky... it was just as I imagined. I saw this group of
clouds that seemed to be rising to a focal point. That group
slowly closed and floated away. Soon after I saw a huge cloud
coming over to cover that space up. I related it to myself, I
couldn't get in on time, I wasn't good enough, so I was left behind,
just like I will be in life...
Man I just wish I had whatever the hell other people have, apparently I don't have much, just enough to get by
That's my theory about how I will never be successfiulll NO MATTER HOW
HARD I TRY. I failed at my dream position again. Everytime
I try my best, I fail, everytime I see someone else try or put their
best effort in, they succeed. So I ask why not me? just put my
head down, cry silently and give up on life or at least myself.
| | |
| Today, I took a look @ my math placement test results...and I failed,
wtf is wrong with me, I dont understand, now I have to retake precalc,
I havent seen this shit in 3 years now. Geeze I feel like a
failure, like I wanna die or some part of me just did, am I really this
stupid? I don't know but I guess I am. Oh well..
| | |
| YEA, NEW/ OLD XANGA
10 TIMES THE BITCHIGN!!!!
FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK, MOTHER FUCK therdskfjksldjfklsdjfkl;sjf
WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY
I DONT KNOW..A HHHHHHH FUCK FUCK FUCK
YEAEA ok bye | | |
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